Putting a screen time limit on my social media is like trying hide a steak from a dog by covering it with a paper towel.

It’s a flimsy and ineffective barrier — it’s too easy to hit “15 more minutes” for the next 2 hours. I try to cut myself some slack on this front, because the app designers did their job extremely well by creating the most addictive apps on the block.

But, my issues with Instagram and TikTok are much bigger than just how addictive they are. Even if I can keep my scrolling sessions to 5-10 minutes (only because I have to get off my phone for a meeting, btw), I find that I don’t like how I feel on the other side of it.

And that’s the whole problem here —

It’s all input, input, input. The longer I scroll, the harder it is to hear my own thoughts and opinions over everyone else’s. Hot takes send me into black and white thinking and the longer I scroll, the more I feel like I’m doing absolutely nothing right in my life. Exposing myself to the entire spectrum of emotions, from giggles to rage with every swipe of my thumb is… not great for my nervous system, to say the least.

My “Social Media Problem”

Unfortunately, my knowledge of this problem hasn’t stopped me from having this problem: When I spend a lot of time on these apps, I feel like complete sh*t. And when these apps are available to me, I can resist using them.

So to make them less available, here’s what I tried:

1. Remove them from my iPhone home screen to make them harder to access. I’d need to swipe all the way to the App Library and open it from there. What happened: I’d still open them just as frequently, just a few seconds more slowly. I already had the habit pretty engrained into my day, so removing the visual cue didn’t help at all.

2. Screen time limits to kick you off the apps once you’ve reached a set amount of time. What happened: You know what happened. I hammered the “15 more minutes” button until my shame would snap me out of it 3 hours later.

3. Deleting the problems apps off my phone (when possible) to remove them as an option entirely. What happened: This worked for me at first… until I found OTHER apps to scroll instead. Pinterest. Reddit. Amazon. My camera roll.

This last little experiment helped me see that I didn’t just have aa social media problem… I had a scrolling problem. And my scrolling problem was just a symptom of the fact that I don’t know how to have idle moments anymore.

My Actual Problem

I’d pick up my phone in all the idle moments — the spare seconds when you’re waiting in line at the grocery story, the 90-second ad on Hulu, the few minutes between meetings, tasks, sips of coffee. Scrolling was what I did by default whenever I found myself in a moment of itchy discomfort.

And even though these instances seem small and inconsequential, those spare moments of your life add up — just look at your screen time data. 8+ hour screen times are pretty normal these days, and you can likely blame a lot of that on these instances when there’s nothing to do, I guess I’ll stare into my tiny screen.

Time Well Spent

When it dawned on me that I was filling spare moments of my day refreshing a stream of information I didn’t even care about that much, I wanted to reclaim that time. Or at least spend it differently.

I told myself that literally anything was better than just sitting there on my phone — I didn’t put any pressure or judgement on what I did with my time instead. It felt like anything would be a step up from what I was doing, like I was making progress no matter what.

I just wanted my time to feel like it was well spent. Not time productively spent, or efficiently spent. Just time that I don’t fully regret. Here’s what I did to help myself slowly get there:

🚫 Add resistance

The tips I shared earlier are great for this — remove the apps from your home screen, set screen time limits, or delete the problem apps entirely. It won’t solve the problem, but it will help. These steps are still worth taking, even if they’re not a perfect, permanent solution. The small amount of resistance isn’t in vain, even if you end up going to your apps anyway.

👾 New digital options

When you have the unconscious habit of scrolling on your phone every spare second of your day, that will take some time to break. So instead of trying to force yourself to stay off your phone, load your phone with other options — apps that aren’t just a bottomless feed, don’t make you refresh for more notifications, and aren’t rooted in brainless consumption. I try not to put too many rules around it, because anything is better for me than TikTok.

These alternatives work well for me:

• NYT Games — I do the daily Wordle, Connections, and Mini Crossword first thing in the morning instead of checking my socials

• Pinterest — I scroll with a very specific mood in mind (how I want to dress when I’m 80)

• GamePigeon — When I’m bored, I send one of those in-iMessage games, like Darts or Anagrams

• Apple Arcade — There are so many incredibly fun games available, why did we forget about phone games?

🎲 New IRL options

I hate to admit it, but while at home, most of my preferred activities involve my phone, computer, or my TV. I needed to replace the screens with other activities that felt equally attractive, like:

• Board games, card games, video games & puzzles

• Little games to play at your desk like Q-Less, Kanoodle, or Murdle

• Crossword/sudoku puzzle books

• Journaling (keep notebooks everywhere to make it as friction-free as possible)

• Audiobooks — When I have the itch to consume or want to do 2 things at once, I listen to an audiobook. Falling into a fiction book keeps my brain on that other world, and it feels good to spend my time not concerned about how productive I’m being.

• Physical books — When I want to relish in the calm, quiet moments of my day instead of blasting my brain with stimuli, I read. it’s a form of meditation for me. It slows my brain down after a day of being online for work.

You may be wondering: Aren’t games and books an unproductive use of my time? Shouldn’t I feel guilty spending my time like this? My answer is no.

🌿 Pay Attention

It’s confronting to bring awareness to those moments where you feel idleness and tend to bail out to your phone. Notice how frequently you do this — it’ll probably surprise you. For instance, I discovered that I’d reach for my phone during one of Anna’s 30-second water break on our Zoom calls.

When you feel ready to do something about it, start by going phone-free during any idle period under 1 minute. It will feel hard, but you can find other ways to “fill” that time, like these:

• Look out your window (spy on your neighbors)

• Take a few deep breaths (I know it’s annoying to hear, but there’s no denying that this always feels good)

• Draw a weird little doodle on a sticky note

• Do a quick stretch of whatever muscles feel tense

• Drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw. Notice and release any tension you’re unnecessarily holding in your body.

• Take a huge drink of water (we both know you’re dehydrated)

Over time, these tiny exercises have helped it feel easier to just be present in my day to day life — at the grocery store, in traffic, waiting for people to join a call. I now remember how to be content in those moments, and find gratitude in the downtime.

I know it sounds cheesy, and maybe even stupid, but to me, nothing feels more stupid than losing my time life to a bottomless feed and missing out on the in-between moments of life.