3 Ways to Become a Magnet For What You Want

If you’ve ever felt like your life was stuck on repeat, and you’re going through the motions but life has just lost its sparkle…. you’re definitely not alone.

Recently, I found myself feeling stagnant, uninspired, and stuck — in my business, relationships, and life in general just felt energetically clogged.

When life gets to feeling this way, it doesn’t usually just work itself out. You have to make changes around how you’re showing up for it. Today I’m going to share the 3 ideas that have shifted me out of this mundane energy and toward something that feels more magnetic and alive. All of these are subtle, and wont require you to buy anything or make any drastic changes — they’re energetic, so you can keep going about your regular life, but your outcomes and quality of your experience will begin to change.

3 mindsets that have shifted me from mundane to magnetic:

🎯 Be Decisive

I’m just as guilty as the next guy of wanting to leave all options on the table while figuring out the next step, but often “taking my time” is code for not trusting my intuition. I’m all for taking as much time as you need to make a clear and informed decision, but since I’ve been practicing being more decisive, it’s been wild to see how often I delay decisions from a place of people pleasing, overthinking, and not trusting myself.

Becoming more decisive is like training a muscle. If you practice it on the small things, you’ll get really good at using it for the bigger things.

Recently, my 80-year old neighbor asked if I would run the social media account for his business, and while I would love nothing more than to help him, my gut said don’t. Now is not the time to add this to your plate. But I felt really badly saying no, so I delayed and I said I’d think about it. A few days later, he brought it back up and said, “Let’s make a decision,” which led to a very eye opening conversation about why making clear decisions magnetizes your desires to you. He said (lovingly), “No more of this wishy-washy stuff. Do you or don’t you?” He was right. I had to say no, but offered to help him find the right person for the role.

This reminded me of something I heard from an established filmmaker several years ago. He said, “If you want to be taken seriously, stop telling people that you’re an ‘aspiring actor, director, or musician.’ Don’t be an ‘aspiring’ anything. Tell them who you really are.”

This is all the same energy of making clear decisions. It seems easier to sit on the fence and take our time with things, but we drift further away from our inner knowing the longer we stay in the “wishy-washy” space. I’m just beginning to uncover the gifts of being a more decisive person, but if this is the one thing you take away from this article, prepare for your circumstances to begin shifting rapidly.

And if you’re sitting here going “TBH, IDK what I even want for lunch,” that’s okay. These small decisions are a great place to practice building your muscle. ** Practice knowing exactly what you want and getting it as often as you can.

🪁 Be Detached

There’s a lot to be said for detachment, but for the anxious ppl in the room, this is your life’s work. Detachment from outcomes opens you up to a world of possibility, and it goes hand in hand with being decisive.

When you know exactly how you want a situation to feel, learning to detach from how you think it will look is the hack. Think about the best things that have ever happened to you — your partner, your business, your favorite vacation, your pet — did any of these things look exactly how you thought they would? I’d guess probably not.

There’s a Ram Dass quote I love that says, “When you have an idea of how something ought to be, you can’t see it for how it really is.” When you’re attached to a specific outcome, you end up creating a lot of extraneous anxiety, rather than allowing the best thing to come to you.

I’ll never forget my first year of this business. When I started it, I had all these fantasies about being the HBIC, solo-founder, Forbes 40 under 40, etc. Well guess what? Quite the opposite happened. It was way harder than I expected to make a business successful. Toward the end of my first year, I was looking at the reality of things and going… am I going to have to close this business? I wasn’t making enough money to sustain it on my own or hire people to help me grow it, so I had to look at the reality of where I was — it wasn’t working and I needed to figure something out.

My gut was telling me to get a cofounder, a collaborator who had an equal stake in the success of this business — but my success fantasy did not look like that. My ego had a really hard time with sharing the glory... but I was in so much struggle and feeling zero glory at all. I let myself sit with why, and eventually I said f*ck it. I trusted my gut, which was telling me that MJ was the perfect business partner, and we have been building something together that has exceeded what I could have done on my own.

Detachment from how I think things will look, while knowing deeply how I want them to feel lets me take in more possibilities, and will begin magnetizing your desires to you faster that white-knuckling with your perfect picture in mind.

🪞 Become the Kind of Person Who…

Looking into the mirror and saying my affirmations has never worked for me. It’s always felt so forced and contrived. I recently discovered a different kind of affirmation I’m calling “I’m the kind of person who…”

It’s well documented that the most effective way to change a behavior is with identity based habits. On a micro level, this can look like swapping “I need to exercise more” to “I’m the kind of person who goes for a walk every day after work.” See how much that just shifted the energy of that statement and made it feel way more clear and practical?

I’ve been using this statement to shift the energy of the opportunities I get. For example, a few weeks ago I started saying “I’m the kind of person who gets invited to exclusive events.” Well, guess who got free VIP tickets to a concert last Friday?

When you make these declarative statements, it builds on both the decisiveness and detachment mentioned earlier. It also implies that there are other people who get those things, which makes your desire feel normal, which is a very important part of changing your outcomes.

Affirming that I’m the kind of person who can have lucrative and aligned opportunities in my inbox, great dating experiences, and deep loving friendships feels like a way easier bridge to cross because it makes all those things seem normal and possible. It also implies that other people get those opportunities too — normalizing your desires will remove residual resistance and self-consciousness that you may still be carrying.

Incorporating these three mindsets—being decisive, detaching from specific outcomes, and embracing the identity of "the kind of person who"—has completely transformed how I experience my life. Instead of feeling stuck, I'm in a renewed sense of energy and purpose.

Change starts with small steps. By practicing these mindsets, you’re not just moving out of a rut; you’re setting yourself up for a more magnetic, fulfilling life by giving yourself a new way to look at things. Make a decision, let go of how you think something should look, and step into the person you know you can be. You’ll be surprised at how quickly things begin to shift.